"Ladylike."

I am not, and have never been, a feminist.

I know that's probably considered to be one of the most awful things a transman can say. But it's just true. I do not fight extra hard for female rights, although I do suffer outrage at some things, and I'm aware that equality is beautiful on paper and a fallacy in practice. But I've found that feminism just isn't my cause. That's how it is.

That said.

I think that the way women are treated in public, like they need special handling in many situations, is ridiculous.

This is sparked for my absolute abhorrence for the term "ladies."

Unfailingly, if I go out with my female friends, we will get addressed as "ladies." This happens more often at restaurants than anywhere else, but the word is something that permeates all customer service existence.

I have never called a group of women "ladies." I don't know why I haven't. I know only that I have not - and will not ever. Why this is the norm of politeness, I could not tell you, but it makes me totally batty.

It feels, to me, like some kind of condescension. And I admit that I might be a little oversensitive about this particular word, but I know plenty of cisgendered women that are just as irritated by it as I am. They get their feathers just as ruffled.

Maybe it's that there is this idea of how women should be. Soft and genteel and all that jazz. Yeah, guess I wouldn't know much about that, would I? But apparently, neither would most of my friends.

I have manners, okay. I'm polite to the waiter, or the lady behind the cash register, or the girl who is honestly just doing her job and asking me if I need help finding anything, even though it annoys the crap out of me. I don't believe in rudeness for the sake of rudeness. Sure, I can be provoked into being rude, but that's not even the point.

The idea that all women must behave as "ladies" just ticks me off. That's like saying all women need to wear heels and skirts and makeup. No, actually, they do not. No more than all men need to wear pressed slacks and ties and have their hair cut above their ears. Diversity! What a magical thing.

I've noticed that when you go to a restaurant, men often just say what they want. "I'll have the steak (please is optional)." Women don't do that. They ask for what they want. "Can I get the steak (please is rarely optional)?"

Why? I really don't know.

Me? I've been known to do it both ways. However. If someone perceives me as female and I say "I'll have the steak," then I seem more forceful than a woman is "supposed" to be. They don't tell me that, but you can see it in their faces. Just one second of slight "I do not know how to react to you properly." And then it passes, because they're not sure what they didn't like about it, and they're back to "right away ladies" or whatever else they were saying.

This entry has no real point, and no real end. Just an expression of frustration, and something I've noticed more and more the older I get.