Apparently I'm at it again.

You may have noticed that I talk a lot about how biology doesn't define a person, and how a transman is not "becoming" a man. He is already a man.

I'm probably not going to stop doing this...ever!

Part of this idea that transpeople are choosing to change their gender stems from the very terminology used to identify transgendered people. FtM. Female to Male. MtF. Male to Female. Come on, seriously? Am I really the only person who sees what is wrong about this? I understand the terminology, okay. There's probably not a better way to do it. And it's five in the morning and I'll be damned if I can come up with a better term right off the top of my head. But there are a lot of stigma regarding transgendered people, and goddamnit we are perpetuating this wrongness.

I do not identify as "FtM" because I am not, and have never been, a girl. Oh, I tried to be. I tried hard. I wore a dress to prom. I still accept female roles at school, because I'm either a sucker or an idiot when it comes to that sort of thing. But I'm not a woman - I just play one on a stage. (Not for very much longer, either, but that's another story for another time.)

I am endlessly frustrated by the trans community. We are perpetuating the idea of biology defining you, which isn't really fair of us in regards to ourselves. We talk about "passing" as the correct gender. But what the hell does that even mean? What are we conveying with that statement? We are saying that a transman who binds his chest, cuts his hair, takes hormones, WHATEVER HE DOES...is...passing as a man.

I hate that idea. I'm a man whether I bind my chest, cut my hair, or take hormones. I understand that society is ridiculous and even when I introduce myself as "Tim" they look at me crosseyed if they think I MIGHT HAVE BREASTS.

(I will, someday, write a post about breast binding as it relates to me. But it is not this day. At least, it is not this post.)

It is insanely frustrating to not be recognized as male. To not be perceived as male. But I do not feel the need to pass for something that I already am. That would be like saying "today I passed for queer." No shit! I am queer! WHAT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. TODAY I WAS MYSELF.

If anyone reads this, I will probably get a bunch of shit about people who are trying desperately to "pass." Look, I get that. God, do I ever get it. I am endlessly upset by people using the wrong pronouns.

I'm just saying that we're using the wrong verbs! I'm not passing so much as I am forcing society to view me the way I view myself. But that's a mouthful. And I'm not the terminology guru, by any means. I just...hate the terminology that is perpetuating the stigma.

The best part of this entry is that this is not what I meant to write about. Maybe I'll go do something else for a couple hours, and return to what I originally had to say, because it's important to me.

...I really need more people to discuss this with, instead of typing it all out on a screen, directed at everyone and at no one.